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My First Blog Post

Life is a journey of straight roads,bumps,hills and valleys.We never know where the next crossroad will take us.

The purpose of writing this blog is to give survival tips just in case you or one you know might be faced with the loss of a spouse.

I am hoping you will learn how to fight for self and those who depend on you to get back up again.We either swim or drown when faced with Loss e.g your life spouse.

Self Isolation equals Opportunity


The Coronavirus shall not steal your health, focus and vision in Jesus name.

Self isolation for me and many can be quite scarcely as it denotes being by your self and being alone.In a society l find quite lonely,that is especially living in a cosmopolitan city, l can easily wonder what am l going to do with all the time l have.

I know we have to prevent the spread of the virus and maintain 2 metre social distance yet the word self isolation conjures for me the period l lost my husband.

While l was off work,everyone was away at work, everywhere was quiet,and l was by myself.Although l could think much clearly and pray,l was physically conscious that l was alone and will have to navigate the future alone.

So to avoid the hidden fear of that time l have decided to maximise the time l have off work to continue my writing and explore others ways of making streams of income, open to all of us on line.The emphasis is to educate,educate educate self!

If ever a time, the Coronavirus epidemic has opened my mind wider to the need to know how to work more effectively on line, than any other season.I can see much clearly the fruits of working from home and working more independently – being physically at home with my children,managing my own time,keeping safe from the virus and also connecting with people via other Social mediums.

So every adversity has a silver lining. So l’m saying if you have stopped work or you are working from home, any free time you have is an opportunity to do things you have been putting off for so many years.Perhaps the half written book,the plan to work independently, maximise your creativity, learn a new skill, or spend more time praying.


Please make use of the time.Appreciate the time you get to be with your family.For some of you there is no reason to run off now to work or school/university.
It is a time perhaps to deal with underlying issues we avoid at home by immersing ourselves in so called work.E.g. Hidden personal grievances,hurts,forgiveness etc.

Self isolation raises the issue of Mental Health and how it could impact you.Not speaking for days to anyone can be soul destroying as it eats away at your confidence.The more we talk or engage with others the more we grow our creative skills.I guess you must know now the isolation unit in most institutions of correction in the world are the most punishing and demeaning for any individual.

So Plan also on how to take care of your Mental Health during this time.Ponder on these tips

  1. Set yourself a daily routine
  2. Drink and eat healthily.
  3. Do some form of daily exercise.
  4. Connect to at least one individual daily verbally or  by Social Media 
  5. Not communicating with anyone but just your TV box is not good for your mind.Your mind needs to be stimulated by connecting to another human being.
  6. Go for a walk, this is allowed – the outdoor is especially good for your Mental Health.
  7. Open the windows and ventilate your home daily.
  8. Finish reading that book you have been struggling with or pick up one of the various recipe books you have and make a new meal for your family?
  9. Reach out by phone etc to those you know are living on their own or are vulnerable.

Remember it is never over until the Lord says it’s over!! Exercise wisdom at all times in keeping well and staying safe.


The Coronavirus shall not steal your health, focus and vision in Jesus name.

Self isolation for me and many can be quite scarcely as it denotes being by your self and being alone.In a society l find quite lonely,that is especially living in a cosmopolitan city, l can easily wonder what am l going to do with all the time l have.

I know we have to prevent the spread of the virus and maintain 2 metre social distance yet the word self isolation conjures for me the period l lost my husband.

While l was off work,everyone was away at work, everywhere was quiet,and l was by myself.Although l could think much clearly and pray,l was physically conscious that l was alone and will have to navigate the future alone.

So to avoid the hidden fear of that time l have decided to maximise the time l have off work to continue my writing and explore others ways of making streams of income, open to all of us on line.The emphasis is to educate,educate educate self!

If ever a time, the Coronavirus epidemic has opened my mind wider to the need to know how to work more effectively on line, than any other season.I can see much clearly the fruits of working from home and working more independently – being physically at home with my children,managing my own time,keeping safe from the virus and also connecting with people via other Social mediums.

So every adversity has a silver lining. So l’m saying if you have stopped work or you are working from home, any free time you have is an opportunity to do things you have been putting off for so many years.Perhaps the half written book,the plan to work independently, maximise your creativity, learn a new skill, or spend more time praying.


Please make use of the time.Appreciate the time you get to be with your family.For some of you there is no reason to run off now to work or school/university.
It is a time perhaps to deal with underlying issues we avoid at home by immersing ourselves in so called work.E.g. Hidden personal grievances,hurts,forgiveness etc.

Self isolation raises the issue of Mental Health and how it could impact you.Not speaking for days to anyone can be soul destroying as it eats away at your confidence.The more we talk or engage with others the more we grow our creative skills.I guess you must know now the isolation unit in most institutions of correction in the world are the most punishing and demeaning for any individual.

So Plan also on how to take care of your Mental Health during this time.Ponder on these tips

  1. Set yourself a daily routine
  2. Drink and eat healthily.
  3. Do some form of daily exercise.
  4. Connect to at least one individual daily verbally or  by Social Media 
  5. Not communicating with anyone but just your TV box is not good for your mind.Your mind needs to be stimulated by connecting to another human being.
  6. Go for a walk, this is allowed – the outdoor is especially good for your Mental Health.
  7. Open the windows and ventilate your home daily.
  8. Finish reading that book you have been struggling with or pick up one of the various recipe books you have and make a new meal for your family?
  9. Reach out by phone etc to those you know are living on their own or are vulnerable.

Remember it is never over until the Lord says it’s over!! Exercise wisdom at all times in keeping well and staying safe.

Finding the man to walk with you into your future.

The questions to ask yourself now is what do l want? How do I prepare for what l want and how do l get it? Do I want to be a widow forever and how do I walk out of widowhood into a new relationship?

When you become a widow you become officially single even though in the midst your present Grief you still feel emotionally attached to your dead spouse.The time and length of commitment with each other prevents you from defining self as single at the time of loss.

That’s why you have to work out your grief – each individual works his or her grief differently.This is not easy but it is possible with our human natural hidden grit /strength and the right support around you.

The most important thing during a major adversity is having the right people around you = Good people,to encourage,motivate,be honest and yet kind to you. You have to do what is best for you e.g. be honest in how you feel and talk about it to those available to support you,get out of the house, go walking,listening to positive music,sleep well,rest,do not hide yourself behind too many chores, and for me it was praying much more.

The latter was the only exercise that gave me the daily emotional lift i needed in my spirit. My day started with prayer and ended with prayer.It still is now.

Prayer can be done anywhere,in the park while walking,in the privacy of your home,on the train quietly and in other incidences where fear tends to grip you e.g. at work when feeling over whelmed etc.

‘Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving,let your requests be made known to God’ Philippians 4:6

When i was a child i always confessed that i wanted to share my adult life with a male companion in marriage after surviving the ravishes of a broken home.

So in widowhood i reignited the same vision.My main request was to meet a decent and spiritual/God fearing man, who was financially self – sufficient, with a vision for his future and was confidant in himself,also one my children will gradually respect and accept.For this to happen i had to create room in my mind,in my physical space and daily routine.

Becoming single again can easily get you into bad habits such as waking up whenever you want,not keeping your home tidy,no meal time routine,overspending,having no time curfew for people to visit your home and hanging unto friends that just want to talk and waste your time all day.

So i decided even in my grief to maintain the routine i had while my late husband was still alive for my children and i.This made it easier for me to incorporate additional improvements such as a healthier food content,more exercise,less crowds, selecting just a safe set of close friends around me and focusing clearly on the needs of my children.

I also transformed my living space,making it newer and it certainly looks fresh.I removed all old furniture that reminded me of our past and replaced with contemporary fittings.Thank God i was finally able to afford my renovations.

Each step of the way i sought God’s counsel in prayer once i had written my specific plans and objectives.Each materialised in season.It has been and still is an amazing journey.

Meeting a new companion to walk in my future at the time was a distant dream, yet l hoped and prayed continuously that this would come to past.

For Example, what would my future companion look like and what qualities did l want in him. Then I took this into my prayer closet.

This means to those of you that are not Christians, praying (talking) about my listed needs to God in private.

After 5 years of being widowed i began to feel i was ready emotionally to seek a new relationship.Exercise kept me physically and emotionally strong so i maintained a rigid routine of walking,cycling, pilates and eating more pulses and less red meat.

I explored the best social setting in which to interact and socialise.

I opened myself to invitations to weddings, birthday parties and small social gatherings. I found it too obvious to attend single church events as they were full of much younger people.

The former strengthened my confidence and courage as l was able to socialise without being accompanied.

Yet I was comfortable enough to enjoy such outings. I learnt the importance of loving my own company. This is key when you want to start another relationship.

The trap we fall into unconsciously when we have been married for many years is to get used to having a male companion with you at all social events. So, when you lose a spouse you can feel like a part of you is truly missing.

You must gain courage to step out to interact in natural settings again. Once you succeed at the first attempt it feels less scarily to do it again and again. Sometimes the company of a friend really helps in the initial stages.

When unsuccessful strides are made at these settings it is important to explore other ways of meeting people. A most popular option these days is online dating, a mind field for many yet the way of the world currently. This would require stepping your Courage up a gear or two.

It is important to confide in someone you trust when you start navigating on line dating as this person should guide and give you perspective etc.Perhaps one who has previously succeeded via this medium or Coaches or Mentors in this area.

The most important thing is to decide which site to go on – as there are so many. What helps though is there appears to be sites that meet most needs. E.g. Widow/widower, Christian, Professional etc This narrows the demographics for you.

So, if you are a Christian perhaps narrow it down to Christian websites. Word of warning though, not everyone on these sites are who they say they are, as many hide behind a screen and spout fake platitudes. So, listen to the content of their replies and how they answer your important questions.

Be very cautious not to form imaginary emotional ties in your head before meeting the person. Do not chat too long (after 3 to 4 weeks of chatting) you need to arrange to meet them in a safe and public space. The initial meet also requires another level of Courage – just remember to tell at least someone of your arrangement/venue of meeting your blind date.   

Signing off now – there is hope after loss!

THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS

As I have grown much wiser and more experienced I believe the ability to forgive is a gift.The pain/disappointment in life can make it difficult to let go of the past and forgive.Sometimes we try to forget yet not really forgive.

The ability to Forgive is to be exercised in many forms and situations,when hurt, others hurting,personal pain blamed as our own etc.We have to find a way to forgive ourselves first and then others.Some hurts cut very deep,seemingly impossible to move on from and forgive.

The loss of a spouse creates feelings that require absolution from the hurt it leaves behind.

Nearly 7 years has passed since my loss, i have only in the last few months been able to verbally express in a secure group of forgiving my Spouse for passing away and leaving me with two children to raise by myself.

I was not aware i harboured such feelings until i aired such a confession at that moment.I have learnt since that this released me from all. forms of guilt.

I constantly prayed for the Lord to give me the gift of forgiveness – when you experience this it opens your heart to release hidden grievances we hold so close but are not aware of.Memories of pain become very distant.

Forgiving allows you to move on naturally and it opens you to hope,love and Joy.

The gives you a natural expectation to live and plan for a new future.

Signing off now,there is Hope after loss.

The Intent

The intent

To survive from the deepest grief there must come from your inner core an expressed desire termed the conscious intent.

The intent to live a life, a different life from the one you had with your late husband must come from you. If not, you will find many reasons for not wanting to wake up in the morning or not see a reason to continue living.

In the previous blog the focus was on setting a daily routine in small steps. By 3 month -6 months this should be hard clad and working at least to a schedule of twice to three times a week.

The next thing now is to start focusing on self, look at yourself and examine what you want and how to get what you want for your future. This will have to start with defining who you were before when your Spouse was with you and who you want to be in the future.

Start with your perspective of self – how real have I been to myself in the past, and how real can I be in my future. The question is what do I really want, what makes me really thrive in my life and what are my likes and dislikes.Refining and reevaluating your potential to earn financial value for your skills becomes more important as the sole bread winner for your home.

Open your mind to other ways of making other streams of income that doesn’t have to be a 9-5 job.Perhaps earning from home,maximising automation = technology/your computer.If you are not in the know acquire a new skill mentioned.

Make a list of both and pick each one on how to modify them.E.g. I had to examine the work I was doing at the time my late husband died, breaking the role apart and honestly pick from the varying segments which part I really enjoyed.

After identifying what l enjoyed most,I decided to enhance my skills in that area by study, self development, refreshing current skills and explore another alternative of expressing it away from my paid job.

So, if it’s talking to people or counselling people you enjoy perhaps start in your local community offering to chat in a coffee morning setting. Or set a group up of like-minded people recovering from grief in your Church or local club. Yours could be Art, engaging older people, fitness etc

This is not always easy – as you will be stepping out into the new and this is where you must be strong and courageous. You have to draw from your inner strength of what has enabled you to survive adversity to date.From this self realisation should come a certain amount of hope – a feeling of having nothing much to lose but to gain.

Immediately you step or discuss your intentions with another person it starts to come alive and real.

I was fortunate to be able to return to a Group I had started before my late husband passed. Though it was not completely spiritually relevant to my current situation , it gave me a focus and time to pass the baton and closure, plus confidence to explore another venture in which to help people. A hobby soon turns into a stream of income by refining your skill and making it current to your market audience.

The giving of time to something you love to others fills and gradually heals the hollowness you feel after a loss.

Signing off now – there is always hope after loss.

Choose life or death

Walking out of your widowhood requires making a choose to grab life again or to give up on life.You ask what does that really mean.Well grief has a way of sinking us into depths of pain,despair and darkness if you are not careful.

To avoid this you get to a stage or time of grief where you have to consciously have to fight to regain your life back – a new life as we know it won’t be the same without your spouse but it will be a stronger life.

With this desire to step out – though initially in little steps you are claiming your life back.You ask how do you do this.You have to have a plan of action.You decide today to wake up perhaps earlier than since your loss,have some me time before the kids,shower,go for a walk,have breakfast perhaps something different and later read a book or search for one that will occupy your thoughts for half a hour or more,preferably something you enjoy reading about or your personal interest.

This engages your mind for a while,the next day or time your carry out the same exercise until it becomes a good habit – repeated 21 days should form your routine.

Doing this gives you some refocus and strength to take another step.The idea of doing things for yourself ,pamper self and the constant emotional drain of Grief is released when we gradually take time to do things for ourselves.

The next thing could be to arrange to have a one to one out in a cafe just for 30/40 minutes with a good friend.Coming out makes us see that life has still continued in spite of your world being temporarily stopped by loss.

The conversation you have with the friend might initially be awkward as people around us do not always know how to react or know what to expect from us while griefing,so people thread carefully.However as you gradually regain strength and confidence people become more comfortable around you.

It is always important to focus on one personal routine at a time.As you commit to one,the confidence you start building will encourage you to venture out to the next thing to do for yourself.

Grabbing back your life gradually gives your children and close relationships hope for you and the future.You start to notice that little steps become bigger strides.Keeping and recording your strides in written form allows you to compare and measure your successes.

I recall working everyday while l was off work for a hour.Immediately after the school run and breakfast l discipled self to get out of the house before l got distracted by all other mundane things like endless chores etc

Going out daily gave me a clearer perspective of my self and circumstances,to think much clearly,to make wise decisions and make the right choices.I come back home refreshed,energised,calmer ,with much hope to coup for the day.I kept a note book of how l felt daily and how grateful l was after each milestone achieved.

Grab a piece of your life back each day.

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.

Signing off now – there is Hope after loss.